What Draws You?

I have had a long standing, deeply passionate love affair with the theater.  There isn't anything I don't want to see.  (Okay, I can think of maybe one.)  I'm going to see The Phantom of the Opera in a couple weeks which is by far one of my most favorites to see.  The music. The passion. The costumes. The sets.  Love.

Theater is powerful - slowly, yet tantalizingly, it draws the observer into the plot; it weaves a web of intrigue or suspense, humor and love, and ever seeks to wrap you firmly in a cocoon of emotional brilliance.  

It's on my bucket list for this current year to see an opera at The Metropolitan Opera House. I want to buy a new dress for the occasion and real heels from Cinderella of Boston. For one beautiful and glorious evening be transferred to a place where music sets the soul on fire and reveals its nature, where the cares of life melt away in the lust for justice and the quest for love.  It all comes down to love, right?  Love drives theater (and specifically, opera).  Love in all its forms, but largely, romantic. 

I want all the romance you can dream up.  You can buy me a milkshake. You can casually offer to sit on the inside of the Scrambler and whisper, "Just let go." Have you felt that rush of joy at the abandon of letting yourself slam against a rock of safety over and over? It makes me blush and giggle but the speed of the ride, the wind, and a safe place always make me want to plunk down three tickets to ride the Scrambler.  

I don't let go often enough. Not nearly often enough.  

The theater gives me the chance to do just that.  I can release all those hormones and chemicals that I'm required to keep at bay at all times.  I allow myself to be swept through the notes, drowned in the words, only to rise and applaud those who gave me this gift. 

Maybe theater doesn't do it for you. Maybe you'll never listen to the strains of La traviata.  But there is something or someone who helps you let go.  Even for an hour it allows peace to cover your head. Even for a few minutes they brighten the room of your soul.

Keep these close.  Embrace the gift.  Allow yourself to enjoy.  For life is made for such as this. 

Strength For Your Day

Readers, one thing that is especially dear, and I don't know if you have encountered this...

I am finding strength for my days.  Unlike any other time in my life.  I am encountering stressors but without an emotional response.  I am doing a lot of things during a time of relative health, but I am meeting most, okay at least many, of my obligations.  I'm very busy but I am not overwhelmed.

I believe a few things are responsible for this change.

I took a relative sabbatical.  Meaning I left a toxic job and environment.  One that had drained me of all energy and hope.  I made the hard choice to leave that mess and pursue a new adventure.  Something for me. A way to stretch and see what I am capable of doing.  If you are a dedicated reader, you know my soul flourished and I loved all it offered.   It was a needed break, although I was not sitting on an island in Tahiti sipping a soda.

I spent time with other people in a way that allowed me to observe life experience and expectation.  I listened more than I spoke.  I approached time with others as a way to learn.  As an avid speaker, it is natural for me to lead conversations rather than wait for others. Those who are more inclined to observe and listen rather than strike out first are just swept along in the wake of USS Ang.  

Lastly, I spent more time focusing on my faith and service. I went to Bible study.  I stepped into a leadership role at church with a team of volunteers, which put me in close proximity to strong followers of Jesus and good mentors.  I put some action to my "good intentions list" and the ripple effects are worth watching.  I don't just say, "I love Jesus" - I am living it alongside others.  The closer your relationship with Jesus is the more assured you naturally are.  You dwell in safety, Jesus has already walked this way, and the stressors of this life are capped with a temporal lens.  

Strength for my days.  Ability to cope and teach coping.  Big strides for the emotionally laden friends among us.

Think about these things, should you fall within such a category.  

If your job stresses you, strongly pursue something else.  Use the "sabbatical" time as an opportunity to grow and work on longer term goals if the new job isn't the height of your dreams.  Don't stay stuck.  It took me a long time to jump and I do not regret the fall.

Learn with and about others.  Listen a lot. Hear the words and experiences.  It will help shape you and enhance your perspective.  Even good, dear, old friends have things in their closet that you don't know yet.  Big or small.  Be the person who can listen and learn about mayonnaise on french fries.

Most importantly - Jesus.  Find him.  He is the key to all your life happiness.  Many things in this life masquerade as Him, but there is only One.  He will heal your heart and you will find wholeness of which you have only dreamed.  Get plugged in - not everybody is doing it but they should!

Thanks for encouraging me as I share my heart.  I've missed writing.  

My Week

With this post, I'm returning from the longest hiatus I have taken since beginning my blog almost two years ago.

2019 has been a rough go.  The last six weeks primarily have kicked my trash.  We do take for granted what it is to be and feel healthy.  I know we do. 

I have been feeling sick for two full weeks.  Some days are better than others, and some days are dreadful.  I feel fine if I don't eat, so for a couple days I didn't eat anything.  I'd get desperate some days and have a couple goldfish crackers around 11am and that was all it would take for my stomach to be in so much pain.  Monday I made an apple pie for my family and of course, the abdominal pain set in since I had tried to eat a little dinner. I didn't eat pie that night, but buddy, by the next night I was so hungry I didn't care.  I inhaled the slice like it was the last thing I would eat.  I savored nary a morsel yet fully enjoyed every last bite. Forty-five minutes later, and for the next several hours, I cursed every apple I'd ever met. 

During this difficult time, my car battery decided to give up the ghost.  This week has been full of appointments and not enough time to replace said battery, so I have been carting around an old battery and jumper cables to keep my car plugging along.  Tuesday I was in downtown Troy for a jazz concert with Noah. I was very careful in my parallel parking so I could have room to jumpstart. (Incidentally, we were the youngest attendees by about 20 years.  It's okay, it was an amazing concert!)

Last night I had plans to get together with a friend.  I ate a bagel and had half an iced coffee.  By the time I bid my friend farewell, I.was.dying. I was in Saratoga which is my least favorite place to be.  It was raining.  It was dark. And I had 17 miles before I would run out of gas.  My car started on its own so that was one blessing in my favor. Saratoga is a bit of a distance from my home and there were not so many gas station around me so I set off on the only way I know...the freeway.  I was sure I was going to throw up in the car.  I could barely focus on the road. I was practicing all the Lamaze breathing, certain this kind of pain was equal to childbirth.   I was ten miles from home and ten miles from E when I got off the freeway and headed down Route 9 certain there would be a gas station.  Nothing. Cuz for the love there just isn't one when you need one!  7, 6, 5....  All I could think was how upset Ryan would be if he had to bring me fuel for the car. He is always lecturing me about "running it down to fumes."

At 4 miles to spare, I found "Little America" in upstate New York.  A tiny oasis in the middle of nowhere that was completely packed.  Every pump occupied with casual Sunday pumpers. Each one turned to stare as I waited patiently for a turn, but none seemed inclined to hurry.  It's at this point I am questioning some life choices.  I should have called my friends more often.  I should have taken my kids to Jamaica. I opened the car door, leaned out, and prayed Jesus take me now.  Little America cleared out fast.

Enjoy good health, Friends, and never take it for granted. Enjoy good friends too, because they are the ones who will bring you fuel when you are throwing up, in the rain, in the dark, alongside the road on Route 9.