Love Brings Us Back

I've been up for about 22 hours...

I'm laying in a rented bed in a rented house in.... Scottsbluff... Nebraska?

Rewind 19 years almost to the day and God is powerfully orchestrating the lives of three families to collide, not randomly, but by intentional design.  

My life has imploded. I find myself in the west desert, eerily surrounded, and utterly bereft. I am in mourning, but hopeful. Tears come often, but not every day. My husband is traveling all the time and I spend my days in a big house, with a dashing young lad with white blonde hair and blue eyes.  He is deliciously chunky, doesn't say much, and loves to drink milk. 

As the days in the west desert pass without fail or change,  someone extends an invitation to me that will change the course of my life.

You might not believe this about me but I didn't really want to accept the invitation for a kids/moms group. I knew I didn't want to continue in lonely abandonment but it required some effort and my heart wasn't in it.  Nonetheless, I went. I got lost on the way, really lost, in fact, and if one thing is going to stress me out it's getting lost. This frustration almost led me to give up, but led by the hand of the Almighty, I found my way to a house on a on a cul de sac in the shadow of the Wasatch Mountains. 

I can still see the one step leading to the backyard. Two girls and some other kids are roaming about; it was managed, but entertaining, chaos, yet I didn't know where exactly I fit. I stayed for awhile and then said a quick goodbye, headed back the safety of my solitary home. The invitations persisted, seasons came and went,  little by little, life and God, whittled a hole in my heart that can only be filled by Teresa and Erin.

We place our earthly treasures in each other's hands when we need some respite and sanity from the trials that our earthly treasures create.  We feed, clothe, bathe, diaper and love all these treasures amongst us and pray God gives us the strength to mother well, surrendering them to Him, knowing one day this part of our journey will end. What we couldn't have known was this process was forging, through trial, a beautiful and tangible circle of friendship that will define us all. 

Love brings me to Scottsbluff.  Well, love and Frontier airlines and Budget soccer mom wheels. 19 years later finds us all in different states, different jobs, different stages of life, and when it's time to celebrate or cry, love brings us back around. Again. 

I will fly, drive, serve, and support these dear ones and their earthly treasures as long as the Lord gives me breath in my lungs.  And, when I wake in glory, I will pull up a chair and watch for them to come through the gate.  (I eat way more sugar than these two so it's a good chance I'ma be waiting for them.)  

These people refresh my soul. 

Take a moment to ponder that statement.  

Do you have people that refresh your soul? 

If yes, then you know that God has lavished a gift without price upon your life. 

If not, then allow me to extend to you an invitation.... 

"From the fullness of His grace we have all received, one blessing after another."

Homecoming

 Home. 

A simple four letter word.

This word can bring a gamut of emotion, a stockpile of baggage, a snapshot in the mind of a place of residence. 

I think that home is the place to which we are always seeking and searching to go. The heart always wants, no, needs, rather, a place to be at rest.  

I have had many “homes.” For me, going home can relate to any number of physical places, actually; and, recently I was thinking of the transition one goes through when relocating. There comes a day when the last place is no longer “immediate home” and the new place has taken that slot in your mind. You don't feel like a temporary or semi permanent visitor in the new house or long as much for the familiar space you left behind; you have bridged to belonging. And it is in belonging that you are most at rest and finally, home. 

I had the pleasure of going to one of my homes last weekend. Driving the familiar roads and seeing so many strange things reminds me that this is no longer my home but just a place I lived once. However, the collection of people I was able to embrace tells a different story. It tells me that my people live around here and that heaven is going to be the sweetest place I will ever be.  

It isn't often that we get to experience a reunion. By definition, a reunion is “a gathering or meeting of people who have been separated or apart for some time, often with emotional significance.” I can't adequately put into words the deep joy that was mine to reunite with dear friends who I spent years with in the trenches of young motherhood and developing faith.  Jesus did such a work in my heart amongst these people, and the trajectory of my life was forever changed. 

As the next generation hugged me and welcomed me into wedding chaos, with these words, “Thanks for coming. I'm really glad you're here, my Mom really needed you,” I felt what many others before me have felt. A full circle of God's timing and plans from start to finish in the breath of a moment. Dear readers, it felt like….the purest and most priceless gift. I considered how if I had gotten my own selfish way, twenty years ago, I might have missed this.  I settled further into the hug and thanked God for His patience and care to give me exactly what I did not want and everything I needed.  This is the deep and beautiful poetry of good books and good songs, the ones that are so poignant, we have to take a moment to ponder if this is truly an exact experience of the author or the summary of an imagination.  I can just hear the musical score set to the lyrics of love shed abroad in our hearts. 

What beauty the Author of my story has penned in my book.  What a true redeemer of the rain.  

We are not always privileged to see some of the tapestry, the great picture and story that all our life events are making.  It can be so hard to trust and lean into the One who knows what it necessary to make us like Him.  All things will be worked for my good, even the tough moments...  All those tears cried in the desert were but a season that brought me to the veil with home on the other side. 

I can't begin to imagine what waits for me in heaven, but I experienced just an inkling....

Its going to be worth it.  It's going to be worth what it will cost you to arrive.  Our Father gives good and perfect gifts, that we can't even see down the road. We just need to trust Him. 

I hope I see you.  I hope I can say, "I'm really glad you're here." 

Home....just beyond the veil..... 

Take Me to the King

Gentle Readers,

We are at the start of a new year, with the passing of every sunrise and sunset we move forward.  As I reflect on the past year, it would be easy to say, "I can't wait for much of this season to fade in memory." It felt like a refining process took place through layer of time; it was painful; many tears were shed; and, yet, I never felt more assured of the cloud of witnesses cheering me on, or felt the close presence of heaven.  Dear friend, if you find yourself in such a season, my heart is for you.  I understand the deep human emotion that tenders and cuts every moment, no matter the source of the pain.  Take a moment here.  Take a moment to breathe.  You don't need to paste a smile on your face.  You can just feel.  God wove emotion into the fabric of your DNA, into your brain chemistry, into your neurons.  It is good and right to experience emotion and there is always a place for that. 

It is in these moments of our lives that we reach for that which is not finite  We want a stable place for our feet and a clear horizon.  We want to know that there is more "out there" or hope that there truly is something that is sustainable that can send aid. It is human nature to reach for help when the light has gone and all the colors turn to grey.  Considering our physical human nature, we have been created to thrive in the light.  If you were to ask anyone who works third shift on steady rotation, they would agree.  Our bodies have to be taught how to survive the hours without the sun. The same is true of our emotional and spiritual nature, we long to be in the light.  We desire harmony and peace.  God also wove this into the fabric of your DNA, into your brain chemistry, into your neurons. God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all; and, He designed us to be in relationship with Him. 

Enter the sinful chaos of our world to disrupt a beautiful picture.  Each of us faces obstacles every day, tasks and encounters that take us farther away from the God who would willingly spend eternity in our presence. I can share that much of my time spent in Texas has been a drawing away from the God who wants to spend eternity with me.  As my spirit animal, Martha, from a village near Jerusalem, I am often worried and busy with many things. Things, dear friends, that will not outlast this life.  Things that if I were not involved would really have no impact.  Dust on my life timeline.  The Lord was gracious in 2024 to bring me, often quite physically, to my knees.  He showed me time and again that the strength I have is not meant to be used in control. The strength that He has given me is to be used in surrender.  (Can I insert a "Selah" here?)  Read that again, Angela.  The strength God gave you is to be used in surrender.  All the things you think you control are not yours to control.  The more I leaned into surrender, the greater the peace that was mine. This world and its priorities will pass away; sooner than we think, dear ones.  Eternity is a breath away....

When I wake in eternity, the first thing I want to say is: "Take me to the One who pursues and draws me.  Take me to the One who wants me at his table forever.  Take me to the King who has all authority in heaven and on earth. Take me to the One who loves me."  And, I am audacious enough to believe that my request will be granted and that He will be happy to see me. (This is the kind of access YOU can have, dear one.)  I can picture the crowd of witnesses parting, and I will be able to see the eternal King.  I will then fully know all His attributes that mostly I can just imagine right now, save one. 

Peace.   

I carry with me, the knowledge of the peace that is possible, when it feels like all of the lights have gone out and all the colors turned to grey.  

I will have it when I surrender my most precious thing - control.  

I will have it when I am near my Savior. 

It is the closest to heaven that I will be here on earth.

I am grateful for the refining process that shapes me to be more like Jesus.  It is difficult, but worth it, always worth it.

Dear one, if you are struggling, there is One who longs to be near.

He is the mighty One who does great things.  And holy is His name.