We are almost to October, which if you have been following for any length of time, you will know is my favorite month. October is beautiful. The month stretches out with days of perfection and many fun annual activities. My least favorite part of October is the endless parade of gory decorations and details. Haunted houses. Haunted haywagons. You name it. It's everywhere. I have never understood the apparent fascination with haunted activities which incites internal fear and preys on it for fun.
Now, I have been to some haunted houses in my day. To young adult males it seems like the perfect fall outing. The logic might go something like this..."If I take this young lady out to a scary place, she'll instinctively cling to me in reaction to the fear she feels." Men are naturally protective, so in addition to the thrill in the young teenaged heart at being close to another, there is also the validation of manhood. Of protection. In my case, however, it does not behoove a young man to take me to a haunted house. My experience will be one of stark reality and not as an outsider looking in on fearful proceedings. I would make you go first, potentially I would cling to you, but I will be closing my eyes while you drag me through seven floors of terror. Your reward for such amazing physical stamina will either be a good smack or the silent treatment for having such a stupid idea. Save your money and let's eat pizza.
Fear.
Out of all the emotions, fear might be the most powerful. Fear is often even stronger than love. It motivates. It warps. It catalyzes. It cripples.
I have a fear of heights that seems to have increased as I age. On my recent vacation, I hiked up a mountain trail that winds always upward, always right near the edge of the cliff. Friends, I barely made it. Sheer panic overtook me at every turn. The tickle in your throat that becomes a full blown inability to breathe clearly. It's crippling. The more you try to calm yourself, the more quickly the panic rises. In my case, I feel like such an idiot that it stimulates the tear ducts. So. There I was. On the side of the mountain, clinging to the cliff, crying, gasping for air for now two reasons, while people passed me by. It was humiliating.
Fear. There are many reasons we encounter it. By far, the worst is when we feel unable to control what causes it or have a resolution for the situations that inspire it. Just this past week, I received news that again made me experience fear. Full-blown. Struggle-to-breathe fear. I sat in my car and gasped for air as panic rose in my throat, cutting off my airway. My reaction was instinctive because I felt I had no control.
I do not think it is a coincidence that in Scripture fear is discussed multiple times. We are encouraged not to fear. We are encouraged to know God is near to us. There is much to fear. People. Experiences. Loss. Tragedy. I'll just say it...haunted houses. The reasons for fear are ever present, but I have no greater consolation than the fact that Jesus walked this earth and understands my fear. He understands that the actions of others cause me fear. He understands it is difficult to get past the fear and pain of past experiences. And he says....trust me. I understand your fears, but I also see the end and everything in between. And my greatest promise is this...and, lo, I am with you, Angela, even to the end of the age....
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