It's the eve of the new year. Mixed feelings always on this day. Do you know that I have never been to a party on this day? Never once have I been in a swanky, sparkly place, dressed to the nines, sipping Tequila at midnight. It sounds amazing. Being part of a group. Eating expensive food. Strings of white lights. Candles. Laughter. And. Maybe an opportunity to dance. Writers are dreamers. I'm good with that.
I have never once partied like it's 1999, because incidentally, on the eve of Y2K I was working till the wee hours to ensure the cash registers would allow the people, who were hung over on January 1, to purchase Advil.
I have, however, attended many a Scrabble match in my sweat pants, with sloppy joes, chips, sweet tea and cookies. I have shared my heart over puzzles. I have gone to bed with tears of lonliness. I have celebrated, with sparklers in the snow, the "magic" hour of 2100 hours before tucking precious littles into bed.
No matter the way in which I ring it in, I always experience melancholy. In some form. In the back of my mind. I dwell on the past. I feel the familiar pain. And I allow myself a moment, or two, to look my lifetime companion in the eye. To say, "I see you there. Your presence is palpable." But just as palpable is the knowledge that beauty rises from ashes. God does not intend for us to remain broken. He comes in the quietness to cover and heal those hurting spaces. Like a soft, winter snow. He does his best work here, friends, he really does.
I close my eyes briefly, and when I open them, I know that what lies ahead is different. Better. I'm older. Yikes. Creeping up there for realz. Who knows. Maybe one day I will find myself super important and special, attending a gala like Cinderella, on the eve of a new year. Even so, I will meet my old friend, and then I will smile. Big. Because whether in sweat pants or a cocktail dress, life is a gift to be celebrated.
I'll take an imaginary spin around the room tonight, but also I'll look back, and then to what lies ahead.
A new chapter in my story. I have no idea what it will say.
May the One who loves me best help me to write it well.
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