It's Out There

Often I start writing in the middle of a thought.  Random words and ideas tumble in tumultuous fashion while my fingers fly around the keyboard.  Side note: a computer is so much easier than a pen, is that right?  I certainly cannot simultaneously write quickly and well, by hand.  Since this is a blog, it almost has a better feel to start in the middle of nowhere.  It is raw and relevant and real as opposed to polished, coiffed and perhaps a bit snooty.  I feel like we know one another, dear readers, or at least, that you know me.  Perhaps you would be able to pick me out of a crowd even if we had never laid eyes upon each other.  I'm the one with expressive blue eyes in which you can read all of my soul.  I'm the one that I hope you will see down the road and off to the right, engaging in witty banter, dodging zingers, and laughing.  I hope I'm in the company of good friends.  The kind that you can slip up beside, grab a hand, squeeze, and let the silence communicate the weighted volume that words cannot.  I hope you would come up, dear friend, and introduce yourself knowing that we can probably be the oldest and dearest of friends in no time for you have shared in the pieces and parts of my life and heart through this blog.

Into this I pose a question.  Do you search for truth?  I think "truth" is a buzz word of late and there is nothing I hate more than a buzz word.  As if you can't have an original thought. As if we each, as though our life depended upon it, have to rally around one coined phrase that so-n-so thought up in yesterday's staff meeting.  Really, Guy?  That's the best you could do?  Leverage. Synergy. Alignment.  Truth is indeed a buzzword in this time in history.  I am not always convinced that it is used by its definition. 

This is what we hear.  "Find your truth."  "Know your truth."  "What is your truth?"

I can make no more true statement than this:  I am equally as interested and excited about advertisements for Spanx as I am for blueberry cheesecake and deep dish pizza.  "Oh, yes, I could use that, and yes, I could also use that and that!"  At least there is some alignment there, no?  But, is that then, my truth?  I like to eat and I realize thereby that I also should utilize Spanx.  Bam.

Nothing makes my eyes roll faster than...."know your truth" and "I found myself and my truth and that's all that matters."   It seems fairly empty headed and trite to make such statements.  Truth by definition means "in accordance with fact" and "without variation."  Thus truth isn't something that each person finds and interprets for themselves.  It is a standard without deviation.

Do you search for truth?  THE truth? Or just "your truth?"  If all you really want to find is "why do I act the way that I do?" might I suggest a therapist?  That isn't really the definition and purpose of life, that "truth" is to help you cope with your circumstances.  Don't buy into the mainstream.  Don't buy into memes, and celebrities, and colloquialisms that say this life is all about you.

Because the actual truth.  The standard without deviation.  Is that this life is so much more. 

Search for truth, dear friends, search for truth, indeed.  God put inside you a desire to know truth.  He set eternity in the hearts of men.  He is the truth.  The standard without deviation.  When you search for meaning and purpose, peace and truth.  That is where you will find it.  If along the way you happen upon some cheesecake, it's probably okay, because you'll probably find me too. 

Gentle Reminders

Hello Readers,

It is a gorgeous evening in upstate. I'm sitting cross legged in my favorite red chair, drinking Simply Lemonade while enjoying a beautiful breeze and sunshine.   This is the perfect day and time to sing that old familiar Sunday School song - This is the day that the Lord has made.  For truly it is.  And I will rejoice and be glad for this day to love and be loved.

I don't get many such relaxing evenings of late.  While I sit here I'm looking at my little patch of vegetation, and my flowers and veggies are looking a little peaked.  I can't tell if it is my overwhelming love that kills things or the lack thereof followed by the overkill of attention.  I have had one jalepeno and it, frankly, was disappointing.  Every stinking year I plant jalepenos and they always taste like regular bell peppers.  No heat.  It's enough to make me crazy. 

I'm getting ready to say "goodbye" to my children who will be heading to Cousin Camp 2018.  It may be an event that is winding down as all the cousins age.  It's a sure sign that summer is halfway over.  I'm kind of sad that none of the cucumbers were ready before they left. I'm going to have to eat a lot of vegetables in August. I always feel a little melancholy when it's time for them to go.  In fact, it takes me a couple days to settle in, but I am always grateful that they have the opportunity to do this. 

As I soak up the last of the evening rays, I realize how desperate I am for a vacation.  I took a calculated risk several months ago that I trust will pay off in the long run. In so doing I have given up vacation time. And I am currently dying. And I mean. Dead.  Mentally, I am completely checked out because the last eight weeks of time have been saturated with information processing. I want to sit in this chair for days and sleep and be tan and drink root beer floats and eat strawberry jam and biscuits. And play Scrabble.  This little cocoon of sun and warmth breeze is pure heaven and I want to stay right here.

But already my mind goes to all the elements that are pressing for the next two nights are booked and my babies leave on Friday. I must get up and tend many fires. A Mommy's job is always there, even if her kids are wearing headphones.

Summer is so delicious. I would drink it from a cup and let the warmth wash over my heart and soul.

This evening is a gentle whisper from my Father.  The One who loves me and created this for my enjoyment.  Thank you for the quiet and comfort inside this night.  Maybe you might send Gabriel with a jam/biscuit message for exhausted little Ang....  Is that a thing?  It might be. It coukd be. We could put it in the suggestion box... 

Embrace all the gentle reminders that come your way, dear readers.  Know that there are angels we entertain unaware.  So take a rest and go back out and shine. 

Quirky

I have some odd quirks.  I cannot brush my teeth with my eyes open. I try to force myself to keep my eyes open sometimes, but it just doesn't work. If you want to scare me, catch me brushing my teeth because I am entirely in my own world in that moment. I also squeeze the toothpaste from the middle. Every single time. I have to sleep on my left side and I have to face the wall. There is no neogotiation. I almost never wear shorts. I think they are extremely uncomfortable. Every time I wear them I feel regret.  I  always feel like I should hug everyone when I take my leave, even if I've just met you. I try to reign that it in. But I'm a hugger so you will probably get one anyway.  If I walk away without one, I feel a little empty inside.

I was thinking today about differences and similarities.  Quirks and the like.  The people that you live with, the people that you associate with, they have to adjust to your "routines" and you adjust to theirs. Sometimes behaviors can be really irritating.  Like when I squeeze the toothpaste from the middle. Each person gets their own tube = problem solved.  It isn't always that easy to solve world peace. It isn't always easy to find compromise and avenues to deal with other people.

I've recently had a little conflict that knocked the wind out of my sails. It was fairly disappointing and I'm frankly not quite over it. In fact, I'm so not over it that I'm dreading the week ahead. I'd just like to take vacation rather than go out into the world.  But I'm readjusting my expectatations, understanding that key differences call for understanding and patience.  I'm taking a few breaths. Waiting a few beats. Basically doing anything to delay falling asleep because then Monday will be here.

Then I just have to chuckle. Because you, Angela, are such an idiot that you can't manage to keep your eyes open and move a toothbrush simultaneously.  Seriously. 

It's not that serious. Right?  Sunday nights are a good time to plan to let it go and embrace a new week. Make some changes. Back off a little. Put a little of the Erin Brokovich to rest. Take a minute to find joy in differences.

It's a new week - let's do it right.

Timing Is Everything

I believe that at least once or twice I have mentioned the things that spark my interest and engage my passion.  Writing is one, but I must say, I have taken a bit of a hiatus in recent months.  I guess there is an ending to the words that would pour from my heart.  I think a lot of it has to do with being withdrawn from social engagement.  I have gathered very little and mostly have kept to tending my own hearth and home.

Normally this would cause me a great deal of personal pain.  After so many years of butting against the system, I have decided to join rank and be satisfied and content with what is.  I believe I even made a post about that.  You can't make people change.  You shouldn't change who you are.  However, at some point there is a marriage of the two and you find you can deal.

I think I've lost a little, but very important piece of myself.  I think I should be more upset than I am.  It's okay to adjust. Because when I look in the review mirror all I see is sadness.  It's okay to blend into the surroundings and learn to be content with that. Because this is the place and time that I am raising my children. Already five years of their life has advanced within the walls of this home. Five years of a mere eighteen that they will be mine.

I often wish it were easier to exert influence. I wish it were easier for people to pick up the good around them. To see sunshine, joy, and pass the spark along. I wanted that to be my legacy. I wanted. In some circles perhaps it has been so. It just hasn't been enough to spark a change in mindset.

New opportunities are coming my way though,  and God has opened some doors for me in ministry.  I think it will give me a bit of spark and joy.  Y'all know by now how much I love to orchestrate, organize, and basically boss people around.  I'm getting the opportunity to host our not-so-small church picnic in the fall. Event planning is such a passion. It's a passion that I have not been able to partake in since Utah. Basically the two things I would love to do for money are writing and event planning.

Event planning is the equivalent of working like a dog so that others can show up, sit down, laugh/drink/eat, and leave you to work like a dog to leave no trace of said experience except a long term memory that has been filed away for a rainy day.  If I have done my job right, when you pull that memory out, you will smile.  And my joy will be complete.

It gives me goosebumps. And so. much.  satisfaction.

I think this will be a catalyst for many fulfilling things in my life. I'm so excited to be in a place where I have been entrusted to do something so big that I love.  It's been so very long.

If you are local, I hope you will come. But. You should know. When I host, there is zero time for me to visit.  But you can stand back and watch me in my element, knowing I have no greater joy than to serve you so that YOU can have the chance to build and enjoy community.

Life is full of waiting rooms. God's waiting room is overflowing and seemingly endless at times. When He begins to work and orchestrate, you will see how much He desires to give you good gifts. It is in His timing.

Timing is everything.

The last seven months have lined me up to fall perfectly into this place.

I'm so ready.

Simple Things

The weather in New York has been quite warm these last few days. I was weeding my flower bed this evening and sweat was just dripping down my face.  The air is thick as you walk out the door but I must say it is somewhat delicious, except, of course, when you are on your way to work and your clothes immediately cling to your frame. It's not quite so pleasant then for you must stand up with your back away from friends and frantically grab at your skirt so it does not cling to your backside in unattractive ways. This happened at church today and I was sure that the peeling of my skin from the chair was heard round the world. What can be done about it? Little sweaty, friends, little sweaty. Apologies. It reminded me of church camp in the eighties with skirts and hosiery and wooden benches and any blessed available piece of paper to fan your face as the preacher spoke on into the night.  With any luck it was not Sunday so that you might be allowed to go get a popsicle from the snack shop after service.  If it was Sunday that place would be boarded up and closed for business so your only hope was to get a wet paper towel from the restroom.  I've told my kids all about my formative years, and Chris and Robert, they can't begin to fathom how you wore jeans and cords year round. I can't either. I think hosiery breathes better than Levi's.

My plants are doing so well in this heat.  I am about to harvest a jalepeno so I'm pretty excited about that.  I might have said an encouraging words or two.  Plants also need some companionship. Or so I've been told.  Frankly, I tend to agree. I think all growing things thrive with tenderness, care and a few good words.  It is about those good words that I am thinking today.

A word fitly spoken is life.  How many times have you longed to have a friendly word from a friendly face? It can make all the difference some days.  We all need a little rain and a lot of sun to make it through this life. A word or two of encouragement sprinkled in and you can watch people bloom.  More than once I have had the privilege to witness people come to life with a little care and concern.

I love that summer is a great time for friendships.  It's a great time to sit around and play cards. It's a great time to enjoy the beauty we've been given. It's a great time to spread life with meaningful conversations.

Relax and invite a friend over today. Enjoy the heat without hosiery and embrace the blessing of air conditioning. It is there as a gift. For you.

I love this quote so I will share again....

...."But where our hearts truly lie is in peace and quiet and good tilled earth. For all Hobbits share a love of all things that grow. And yes, no doubt to others, our ways seem quaint. But today of all days, it is brought home to me it is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life...."

Happy July!!