It's midweek. It's mid-Frebruary. It's somewhat a holiday as celebrated by some adults and almost all American public school elementary (that's el-e-men-try for those who might struggle with the midwestern, read: correct, pronunciation) students.
It's Valentine's day.
I think I celebrated it when I finally had my first boyfriend at the age of 22.
I think I have celebrated it a few times since. But. It's not so much on my expectation radar.
I did receive a lovely gift last night which was gift enough. My husband chose to turn on one of my favorite movies for me. Erin Brockovich. It's one of Julia Roberts best films; not too chick flick for the menfolk. I didn't have to watch YouTube tutorials. No "full bridge rectifier" for the win sequences. I can't with YouTube. I almost wish it did not exist for any purpose.
I did give up three extra Z's this morning in order to make eggs and sausage for the family on a weekday. As it turned out, both kids were having breakfast at school. I'm glad I vetoed the heart shaped pancakes. Some eggs were left to harden on plates, but most of it was consumed and appreciated. I personally had a Quaker chocolate chip granola bar as I rushed out the door. (You know how small those are. Like three, okay, five bites.) I kinda wish I actually had made the heart shaped cakes of love.
On this day when romantic and platonic love can be celebrated, I wanted to broach an important topic. All the jokes have been said. All the funny parts of the day are put aside.
What do you know about forgiveness?
What I know about forgiveness is that most people prefer not.
Because usually the offense is so large that the way does not seem clear.
Because usually we prefer to hold on to that offense.
Because the perpetrator deserves it.
I recently made a post that received the most "hits" of any that I have written. Most likely, it's because humans love a good dose of gossip to feast on. It's so wonderful getting all the juicy tidbits of the pain, suffering, and troubles of others. Most cannot help themselves but to click on the baiting links of this site and that site, promising you will find out just what so-n-so did or didn't do here or there. We have to know what caused you pain. We then have to share with others what caused you pain. The post that I refer to is: We Hide Pain. In this post, I shared my story of being investigated by Child Protective Services.
Posting that was so incredibly difficult for me. As authentic as I try to be while I journey with you, not all stories are up for grabs, not all stories should be revealed. Jesus says in Matthew, "Do not cast your pearls before swine," speaking of discernment; perhaps, I may take it a bit out of context to relate on this personal level, but the message is the same. Discernment. Learn what it is. It's such an important tool. I made the decision to post it feeling the time was right. The time for letting the pain of that go, was here. Maybe you will re-read that post. Maybe you will understand a tiny taste of the emotion it conveys.
Forgiveness. It is so admittedly difficult for me. I hold tight to that emotion like a lifeline and I don't want to let it go. If I feel wronged, it will take some time to sort it.
I'll here mention that I know who turned my family in to Child Protective Services. My anger toward those individuals has burned white hot. For years. I have choked on my tears and my rage. Friends, can I here mention: don't ever do that. Do not ever do that. I don't care how much you think you know about a situation or what you think you have observed. Those children have not been entrusted to your care and you are arrogant to assume you know better. Consider long and hard that you might approach the parents first and then proceed accordingly.
I know who they are. And I have loathed them. I'll let you imagine the depth of that on your own. To harm me is one thing, to harm my defenseless children is entirely another.
I have had numerous occassions to interact with one individual in recent months. Guess what? This person is human. Arrogant, but human. I can see that. I can see that they are afraid of me. I can see the suprise when I look them in the eye and bid them, "Good morning." I can see that they are uncomfortable to be in my presence. I can smell the uncertainty. I hold the power and it should give me all kinds of gratification. I should be as hurtful as I can all day long. I should seek revenge as much as it is within my power. Right now? I could do that. I could cause some waves for this person, and make their life very uncomfortable.
Instead.
I see humanity. I see that this is a person, like myself, walking a journey. I feel sympathy regarding their fear of me. I have prayed long and hard for the ability to forgive, because I know like every good scholar that I cannot expect forgiveness of my own sins if I do not forgive the sins of others.
I am overwhelmed. Absolutely, tearfully, wonderfully overwhelmed by the realization that my prayers have been answered. I can sit next to you. I can help you brush the snow off your car. I can say, "hello" and "good morning." My character has increased a little. I can let that go. Knowing how much anger I can hold in this little body, I am flabbergasted. And grateful. And that is not on my own, friends, the power to forgive like that is not my own.
And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you. Romans 8:11
I know it will not be easy to understand me if you do not share my faith. But it would be a great injustice to be silent on this matter. God works in our lives, friends, he is living and moving and establishing our paths.
Consider forgiveness on this day of celebrating love. You will feel better. You WILL feel better when you relinquish the emotion that you cling to like a lifeline.
I am praying for you, readers, that you can do just that. That we can all do just that. One step at a time. It's so important for our journey. It will bring the warmth of the sun to shine on our path. And we will feel blessed by it.
*I'm betting this will have a lot less "hits." :)
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