I Have Cookies

I have an insatiable need to be with my people. My tribe. This week I've been grieving that hole in my life. It just bubbled up and I couldn't stop the tears. I have been blessed to know a lot of people in a lot of places. And my heart is scattered all over. I want to bring out the pop, pizza and brownies, turn up the music, bring out the games and laugh. Till I cry.  I do that so very little that I feel my life is currently misspent.

I would love to do that in my own home.  I would love it if I thought someone would come. But New Yorkers are a bit crusty.  It takes a lot of money to live here so everyone works and works and works to pay for life.  I get turned down or "redirected" a lot.

I miss you, dear loved ones everywhere.

My heart really aches today at the loss of you.  At the thought of never feeling like I am really at home here.

I just have to ask more. I have to spread my net farther.

I don't want to have to beg. But would someone drop by? Even right now when I haven't showered or brushed my teeth, I would be so giddy that someone felt comfortable enough with me to be my person.  The person who wants and needs your company. Who swings by for ten minutes of advice and a cookie.

I got Oreos and E L Fudge.  If you stay long enough, I got fresh Toll House....

I know I can do this.  I have confidence in my love of people.  But I'm losing confidence in the love of other people....  In their understanding of the importance of relationships and community.

I think it's going to have to start with me.  I'm going to have to embrace being told, "no."  I'm going to have to bake a lot.  I'm probably going to have to beg.

To my fun-loving tribe. To the people who give of themselves so naturally. You are beloved. You are deeply missed in places I can't explain. And there is a spot for you, right next to me. Always.