How many times have you been able to share your story? We all have a story, dear readers, we all have bits and pieces, or slices of life that often lay buried deep within sad and aching hearts. Somewhere we learn to be quiet and I just haven't quite figured out where that is, and perhaps it varies by the person. I have seen it so often, though, hurting people with deeply buried grief. Somewhere on our journey it was found best to stem the tide of emotion, so individually we suffer in silence until the very moment we are unable to hold back. And in our then expressed pain, we often hurt others.
We are well into the crisp season of the year that rapidly ends in decay. It truly is my favorite season but I don't like pumpkin anything, except pie and candles. Ryan likes to tell me that I don't quite fit the mold because "You like leggings, boots, and coffee." Agreed. But pumpkin coffee, latte, tea, muffins, cookies are not my thing. All too soon the cold bitter winds will blow across open fields and between city skyscrapers and bring swirling droplets of frozen precipitation to blanket the damp, dead ground. It is the perfect time for you and I to pull up a chair with our steaming mugs of brewed tea and have a heart to heart. Fall and Winter are perfect for stories. You will find that in the sharing of stories, deep relationships are formed and healing can truly begin.
Would you not agree that there is a lot of anger and pain in our world. Can you see it? Can you feel it? Often the anger is kindled so quickly as if one match was lit and the whole field suddenly caught fire. Still further you find individuals jump on bandwagons without discretion or full disclosure of the situation at hand. "Oh my! Yep, that sounds really terrible so I too, will be angry about that and re-post and re-sensationalize." Humans naturally react from our gut rather than our head. Initially. It takes anywhere from sixty seconds to forty-six hours for us to process with logic versus gut. Give or take. You catch my drift. It is into this type of worldview and approach that I speak.
Dear friend, as we sit in the warm glow of candlelight - and for kicks let's just say it is pumpkin scented - as we sit and sip our peppermint tea, can I look you straight in the eye and share from my heart?
I find some distaste in the current mood and setting that I see perpetuated as it relates to women, "me too," and movements that further evolve from this. What I see is a lot of anger. A lot of pain. And perhaps a lot more affected by these types of abuse than we ever realized. What I also see is while we "want to bring awareness" and "stop cycles of abuse," we are dangerously close to losing our ability to be rational as a whole. I see a mob of hurting people screaming a message that aims not so much at healing as retribution. Angry people often want the latter rather than the former, but it is the former that will bring the most relief. Please do not misunderstand me to imply that I believe this type of behavior should continue because that would be far from the truth. I do understand some of the agenda is to create some change. My desire here is to speak into the hearts of those who suffer. To sidestep the loud, angry outbursts and accusations and speak directly to....the heart.
People in immense pain, when focused on that pain and when that pain is allowed to rule, are not rational. As a victim myself I can share that no one is in more personal pain than a survivor of any type of sexual abuse. It creates big, gaping holes in your soul. It steals your dignity. Your pride. Your joy. Your safety. Your comfort. Once encountered, the path you will now traverse is different than the one you would have otherwise been on. It covers your whole life in shame and unimaginable anger that is forcefully fueled by an overwhelming sense of injustice.
I look at "me too" and see lots of hurting people that fit this description. I look around me in the everyday crowd and see people that fit this description. It breaks my heart. Because I know what it is to be you. I know what it is to feel all of these things. If you read my blog post "We Hide Pain," I talk about how we keep pain close to the chest. We keep it in the dark where no one can look at us like we are suffering or we are different. Can I say, dear friends, as we sit here in the darkening of evening, with our tea almost gone and the leaves swirling in air, can I suggest that you share your story? Whatever situation or story it is that brings you deep, deep pain. At least twice, maybe three times, try to share your story with all its painful details. Not an overview. Not the highlights. Those deep, gut wrenching details that you play over and over again when it's 2am and you should be sleeping. Those things that haunt you in the night, bring them into the day where they can hold no sway. The smells, the sounds. Paint the picture that I know you remember. It is in the sharing that you will begin to release pain, I promise you. You don't need to stand up with a mob of people, but if you must, make sure it is for the right reasons. You can choose - and I more strongly encourage this - to sit in quiet dignity over a cup of tea with a friend and start to un-bury some grief. I think in time you will be glad that you did. You will find more long term relief and satisfaction in healing than in retribution or revenge. You will start to let go of that anger to opt for the peace of being understood, free, and loved right where you are. Letting go of the anger will likely be the most difficult part, for it is what fuels your drive and will to survive and overcome. The way you will tightly hold onto anger and hate like a warm blanket is almost innate and beyond your ability to control. In the end you will find that perhaps you'd rather not let that go, because when you do, that one last thing you have will be gone. Everything will have been taken from you and you will be empty. But that emptiness that you will feel... It can be filled again. With good and better things.
I am by no means licensed for therapy or anything related, but I know where I once was and where I am today are two entirely different places. This journey of life is meant to be shared, and by so doing, we are able to continue to walk. If we walked alone we would at times like this find we are unable to continue. I decided awhile ago that I am in this life to be as authentic as I can be, and in so doing do my best to point toward Jesus who alone can heal all the wounds in our soul. There would have been a point in my life that to share or hint at any of this would have come at great personal cost, but today it actually doesn't really cost me much. In sharing with others, in helping others who suffer the same, I have found great peace.
If you do happen to read the other post I referenced, you will also note it is about labels. I have had many, many labels in this lifetime. Some have been extremely painful and deeply scarring, "Negligent Parent" and "Survivor" are among the worst.
But only God's label for me (and you) is all that lives through eternity - loved, worthy, forgiven and free.
Word of Caution:
Please carefully note the heart in which this was written. It is written for the concern and well being of others and not myself, therefore please be sure that your comments are appropriate for the subject matter. Please refrain from asking or commenting about welfare or sympathy, noting again, the intention of the post.
