Finding the Joy of Choosing

Friends.  I had to pull out my old lady glasses today.  I find that when my eyes are so tired I am unable to focus without them.  I also see upon closer inspection a lot of grey hairs in there.  What you can't see is my death grip on a sippy cup of sweet tea.  I don't get excited about wine.  I don't need wine.  I have needs for coffee and sweet tea.  Especially when it's time to share my heart...

If you have been following along on social media or even through this blog, you will know that I am in a period of transition coupled with intense exhaustion.  But, what has been so interesting to me is that I feel I am more organized than ever.  I'm not quite sure how that can be exactly since we are all going in various directions.  For maybe the first time ever, I am trying to ensure that all the members of my family eat a good breakfast before they head out the door.  I think it has really helped my kids because left up to their own devices they might not eat very much.  Naturally, I run out of time to eat myself because I couldn't get up soon enough for all that.  I am not home 3/4 of the main weeknight meals so that is specifically scheduled and laid out for the family to prepare.  I will take a moment to be honest to share that if there was not an option for "curbside grocery pick-up" all bets would be off here.  It really saves me time. 

When I hit these busy cycles in my life what frustrates me most is how easily I make the decison to let go of the things that make me happy. If I have to choose between making waffles and writing, well, it's going to be waffles. I'm always going to choose somebody or something else rather than myself. 

This phase has been wonderfully refreshing even though it has been an expenditure of emotion, thought, effort.  I am finding the joy of choosing.  Let me say that again.  I am finding the joy of choosing.  Do you know what it is to choose?  To not just make a decision that is a natural flow of being in a role, such as wife, mother, employee.  To reflect and freely make a choice.  To go against the grain of obligation.  I make decisions all the time, multiple times per day.  But I rarely choose.

I am finding the strength to choose: me. 

I am finding that God is providing.  He is providing so many options and people to meet me here.  Wise people with wonderful, encouraging words. People that I have just met are loving me in real, tangible ways.  Options are pouring in for things that are suited for what I enjoy.  I could never have imagined such a flood.  I have been so very loved and embraced during this phase.

God pours out, friends. In every season.  He pours out because He loves us so.  I remain ever so grateful for the journey and for a Saviour that gives me more than I deserve.