Timing Take Two

I recently made the statement that 'timing is everything." It rings especially true this week in a less desirable approach.  Sometimes we don't understand the timing of events, and it is when we do not understand that we disapprove of the statement.  More often we like to tout it when all is going according to the plan we have set, or when we see a set of positive circumstances shaping up for ourselves.  "This must be what I've been waiting on - great! Timing is everything."

Gentle and beloved readers, it is actually all the more verifiable when it is not a desired outcome.  When things are not going well and the rug is pulled out from under us.  "A fine kettle of fish" is something I would have heard in a past life and frankly something that might pass my lips from time to time. 

Timing is everything.  Which means when your express train makes a hard stop midway toward the destination, it gives you pause.  And when you are hungry, tired and ready for the safety and respite of your home fire, it feels, unsettling.  Then. The more you consider your options it becomes downright terrifying.  Why did the train stop here?  Are we out of fuel? What went wrong? Did I not pay my way?  Does the conductor need help?

I have been steadily working toward a goal, friends, and I, in fact, have confirmation that I should receive the prize for which I have worked.  I was to be offered a job but this week brings the news that I will very likely lose this opportunity to extraneous circumstances.  In my lifetime, I have never been fired. I have never been let go.  I went through one "rightsizing" and just prior to the actual event they forced (very, very strongly encouraged) me to take a different role that no one wanted because it was a tough job.  I reluctantly agreed and two days later my entire team of 15+ was gone without goodbye.  Have you heard of survivors guilt?  It is definitely a thing and it did not feel right to have perhaps been "chosen" when I should have been included.  I cried while I watched them pack up the plants and notebooks of my lunch crew, and I never saw them again. 

Timing is everything.  While I keep repeating to myself that this is not a performance issue, the sting is no less, because I have not accomplished the goal for which I set out.  I took a calculated risk, gave up vacation, holiday time, steady income for what in the end would be better. 

My initial reaction is to say, "Well, see, it never pays to jump in the deep water." Or. "I tried a new role that I was uncertain about and instead of flying I plummeted to the ground, lesson learned."

We would never tell our children, "Aim low, Bud, aim low and you will merely sustain through life but at least you are sustaining." It's ludicrous.  We tell our graduates: "Aim for the sky! Jump! Experience!  You don't think you qualify? Try anyway!" 

Somewhere between eighteen and forty we start to change what we believe about ourselves and our potential.  I have had to talk to myself repeatedly over the last several days.

What is important about the timing of the current events I can't say. But it doesn't seem like this train will reach the confort of the home fire but instead will be redirected momentarily.

I'm extremely disappointed, but my tears are now all but dry, and I look to see what the next track will be. 

I hope I fly.