This weekend has been scheduled for emptying the heart. I intend to do a lot of writing.
Today, I have been able to rest after a very busy few weeks. Last weekend I was able to be lead a committee to host our church picnic. It was so much work. It really was. 12 hours before it was scheduled to start I had decided I definitely took on too much. Because. When I take on such a task, my family is automatically required to give as much as myself. My husband and sons worked so very hard alongside me Saturday and Sunday, and this was not something to which they had committed. Exhausted as I was, as much sweat as was pouring my back, I really was having so much fun. Welcoming people. Serving them food. Working to ensure they had a wonderful time. I simply can't express how much joy I receive in those types of moments. When we collapsed on the couch at 8pm on Sunday, after serving well over 200 people, I did suggest to my sweet family I would not take this task on next year. I think they are equally hopeful and disbelieving.
Today is beautifully scheduled with candles, music, laundry, bleach, brooms, breeze, movies and blankets.
The weeks have been busy and emotional. I feel as though I have met the demands fairly well as every day is one long checklist of items and I have marked most of them off. I am so proud of how my children have settled into the routine of school this year. It has been one of our easiest and best years yet. I was quite happy and then realized it was just one more sign that my kids are getting older. You really are not considered young when you have kids in middle school, high school, college. I have definitely crossed over so now with my pride comes a little downer. Hum, I thought today as I heard a child of no more than two or three years old tell her mother she peed her pants. The mother was exasperated of course. I wanted so much to tell her what she probably already knows but can't see in the moment. One day you trade physical needs for hormonal/maturity ones and then one day more trade hormonal/maturity ones for car keys and apartments.
I feel wonderful in the moments of doing life. I find so much joy in serving others. Being busy is fulfilling. But in the quiet moments, such as today, I began to mourn the passing of time. How is it we are back to jackets and bonfires? How is another wedding anniversary and kids' birthday season upon us? How is it?
My son will be a teenager in a couple weeks. Which means the days of asking for the car keys are not that far in the future. Which means I am safely in the "suburban mom" category and would not possibly be assigned to any other one. I'm deep in the fall of life configuring menus, cellos, and schedules. I'm deeply satisfied with this category for in this arena I am needed and loved. Time moves ever so swiftly; grey hairs continue to come; wisdom through trials is gained; and my heart grows gentler and softer.
My heart wants to hold onto moments as the weeks fly by. I've been trying to connect with friends, but, indeed, everyone else is also in busy seasons. I raise my cup of tea to you this day, dear readers and friends. Gentle are the tears that water the places in my heart where you reside. Gentle, tired, suburban mom tears. Come, let me hold you close. For tomorrow you will be gone.
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