So many thoughts I have wanted to express and not quite the right moments to capture and pin them down.
I am longing for a little computer of my own so that I can write to my heart's content without sharing or making special request. As it is, it's extra work to get the opportunity to use one. Have you heard of a thing called Fortnite? It's just fine, mommies make sacrifices all the time. But do you know that I type all this on my phone?!
It is quiet and calm tonight. It is cold and dark. And I daresay a little lonely. But in this environment I can find rest for my body, and for my soul.
I struggle greatly with getting rest. I feel tired most of the time. I think it is, in part, due to the major sinus issues I have developed the past six months. I feel my heartbeat in my ear all the time. I can't ever hear what people are saying. I can't breathe through my nose. This leads to very poor sleep.
It's ideal right now that it is the perfect weather for hibernation. I'm rather happy to hole up and introvert. I just came across a reminder of what one of my favorite pharmacist buddies said to me in late 2013. Jim said, "No one will ever make the mistake of pegging you as an introvert." It's true, I usually get energy from being with others, but currently I feel like I could enjoy introverting for a bit.
The exception to this is family, chosen or blood. No one pours into me or fills my love bucket like my family. My aunties ran me ragged in Atlanta for four days straight last weekend. It was nonstop talking, concerts, puzzles, baking, eating, talking, walking. And I inhaled every moment of every single day. It was so refreshing. It was just what I didn't know I needed. It solidified my firm belief that my people live in the south. Strangers just pulled me into a hug and welcomed me enthusiastically. Yes, these are my people and one day I will leave the northeast behind me.
We're approaching a new year. Do you wonder what it holds? I do. I wonder all the time what is ahead. I know my last baby will leave elementary years behind. I know my oldest will begin his last year of middle school. I know I will turn 39. And that is about all that is certain. And, frankly, that is not even certain. I might die before three weeks of the new year have passed.
Death is sobering, is it not? A voice is silent. Eyes no longer sparkle. Love is no longer read in a face.
It is an end to a period of time that a soul has occupied a body here on Earth, and a moment when that soul finds itself in a new place. For the believer, that is heaven...
"The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it..... White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise."
All our days are numbered, dear readers, and there is not a blessed thing we can do to change it. We do well to look to it. To understand that all our purposes here are directed toward the end. To the day the grey curtain rolls back.
I hope you will think about it this week. Who are the people you love? Why don't you tell them? Why don't you send them a card? Why don't you buy them a coffee just because? Maybe leave them a jar of pickles on their doorstep? All the goofy, sweet and wonderful things that make people feel treasured. Do these.
Before the grey curtain starts to roll back....
Before Aslan steps into view....
...and you know that nothing that you experienced on Earth will compare to what you now know to be true.....
Eternity is where life is.
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