A New Experience

Dear Readers...

I recently embarked on a journey, an entirely new experience.  I was intimidated before I even began, and in time, I would find that I was right to feel this way. 

You might be surprised to know that a woman in her forties has never been anywhere by herself. I've been in my home by myself for a few days.  I've traveled to destinations around the globe by myself. But I have never traveled to an unknown place and stayed alone. 

 Can I just say for the record, for those still living under a rock, still huddled at home, for those who have never traveled anywhere in 18 months....   Travel will steal your soul right about now.  People are everywhere.  You cannot breathe in the airports.  You just want a place to sit your fanny down and guess where you're gonna be....the floor. You're gonna be on the floor stuffed up between two abandoned wheelchairs, a trashcan and six of your closest strangers who are also audibly wondering, "How is it possible that the airport is this busy on a weekday in October?!"

I should have been prepared then for the well formed line of people stretching across the length of the parking garage at the sign marked "Avis Preferred."  But. I mean. Doesn't by definition "preferred" imply that some people will be excluded?  As I inched forward for 45 minutes, I had time to ruminate on my understanding of the definition as did my fellow inmates...errr... prisoners of time, otherwise known as weary travelers, most of them also for business. I also had plenty of opportunity to wonder why I didn't pack one of my 34 scarves for the occasion.  It certainly was not a balmy day in Portland, as drops of rain pelted the earth, my phone and my spirits.  I enjoy rain but I do not prefer to drive through it, in a strange car, in a strange place.  My spirits only worsened as I sat down in the red Hyundai and the smell of smoke assaulted my senses.  I mean no offense but one thing I cannot stand is the smell of stale smoke overlaid with air freshener.  I gagged a bit, and thought about making some demands, but waiting another hour didn't suit me.  I drove out of the parking garage, punching in what I hoped was the right hotel address and realizing all the while that the windshield wipers were no good.  My vision was obscured, blurred by water that would never quite clear in front of my eyes. I'm thinking of all the reasons that I would like to be at home, but I swallowed my frustration, clung tightly to my phone and the steering wheel, and did my best to follow the directions from Portland to Hillsboro.  

My hotel room was sufficient but I was sad to see there is no cream or sugar and only one packet of coffee; using the included coffeepot will be pointless. I went to work before breakfast was served in the lobby so that was disheartening, no breakfast and no coffee.  My first day at the job found me without my badge so I had to call to be let in. Then, I opened up my laptop and it wouldn't turn on.  I tried multiple times, but, alas, "fan error" was all it would say. Here I am, at the warehouse with colleagues I don't know and my computer won't work. I call IT and the say, "Go to your local IT or send us your computer." Luckily this site does have local IT, so I depart the warehouse, Google the office and set off.  Again, no badge, but they let me in and direct me to IT.  I'm nearing tears at this point... because technology just isn't where I want it and I'm embarrassed and stressed at all the things happening.  I will pause and say that I'm pretty good in most social situations, I can get on with a lot of people.  But.  IT? These people were not my jam. Condescending. Rude. Arrogant. As if my whole joy in life was to show up (as a site visitor) on their doorstep with a broken computer just to make their day.  I was very humble and contrite, my embarrassment notwithstanding, having no idea if I was indeed the cause.  "Put me at the bottom of the list, no problem, whatever works best" seemed to level my pal, Lenny, until he found out I didn't have Teams on my phone and he would have to call me. (I since added it but as I knew prior, it was a huge mistake...I don't actually want to know what's going on at work while I'm not working.)  Lenny called later to tell me it would be a few days and I could drop back by for a loaner.  It wasn't a great computer and I didn't have all the things I needed but I could at least contribute.  The part finally came in right before I came home.  I think Lenny was sad to see me go....he mustered some conversation about my trip and it wasn't all that hard to fix the issue and it was no big deal to help me out.  I think we had a small breakthrough. 

Work kept me busy. I pushed cranes into crates, used a power drill, burned my fingers on hot screws, spent hours with my arch nemesis: ratchet straps, and wrangled all sorts of lifting and hoisting devices for days.  And by day four, I realized my steal toes shoes were probably not the right size. I could barely walk around the last five hours of the day and I knew my toes were probably bleeding. I googled a grocery store, hobbled around grabbing band aids, Diet Coke, instant oatmeal, microwave soup and chocolate pudding. The recipe for a perfect weekend.  My poor toes.  My poor feet. I doctor them up and fall asleep early on a Friday night. 

Despite my crippling situation, I decided I at least need to go see one site while I'm here.  I chose the coast because the other option included a hike to a waterfall and that just wasn't possible.  Route 26 near the hotel is a three lane highway, if you can call it that with top speeds coming in at a chill 55mph, but 5 miles down it becomes a two lane road that heads up the mountain.  Drat. I know this life. Miles of cars just bumper to bumper with nowhere to pass.  I have no way to charge my phone so I turn off the navigation and tune the radio.  Do you know that I went thousands of miles Northwest and all I could get was a Spanish station?  I'm thinking...hum...I just....really?  As I settle into the languid tones of what must be a love song, I spy a round, brown ball in the middle of my dashboard.  The traffic is thick and there are so many empty cars on the sides of the road with hiking trails leading off in all directions. There is a constant speed up and brake pattern so I need to pay careful attention to the road, but my eyes continue to drift over....is it a ladybug?  It looks like a brown ladybug.  It would be common, in my experience, to see these in the fall.  I decide its a ladybug because the alternative option that is clamoring for my attention is unacceptable. 

The drive is beautiful.  Oregon is beautiful.  Simply put.  It is everything I imagined it would be, chilly, woodsy, damp and full of people with beards, backpacks, and dogs.  My destination is quite easy to find even without the use of Google, although I clearly brand myself as an explorer that should be held in high regard.  Do you see this license plate says "Washington?" I am clearly roaming far and wide so it's in your best interest to just...errr... yeah, give me a wide berth to parallel park in this tiny, highly congested seaside town.  Actually, never mind, I'll park over in the visitors center lot which has just the perfect, okay not perfect, sized spot for my compact car and I will carefully squeeze out the door and hobble the extra four blocks to the ocean.  Bleeding toes are of no consequence to explorers.  How else did we find the Pacific Ocean to begin with?  It's windy, but the sun is shining and the view of the relentless waves crashing against rock reminds me of the Creator who made it and knew that one day I would come to see it.  It was the one year anniversary of the day I moved to Texas and it was already feeling emotional.  In front of my eyes is beautiful proof of a perfect Creator, of a God that brings order and structure and design. And on this day in 2020, I couldn't have imagined I would be on the Oregon coast for it was never a thought in my mind to visit.   It was an embrace from the Almighty to hear the pounding of the tide and see His glorious masterpiece.  To close my eyes and know that He thinks of me, that He, even through this difficult year, continues to amaze me with the courses He sets me on...it was a gift on a tough day.

 I turn toward home and decide the languid and melodic Espanol has set me up for enchiladas. I pick a place a few miles from the hotel, and it is only after I get my food that the ladybug awakens. And it's not a ladybug. And it moves very fast. And for the love why is it heading for the steering wheel?  I really am scared of my brown, multi eyed, road tripping spider companion. Internal terror at the thought it will somehow land on my body and....do what?  I'm trying to focus on the road in yet, more, unfamiliar territory but I can't bear the thought of it being on me, and I can't exactly get away from it.  I grab a napkin out of the bag and wing both spider and napkin toward the passenger door. It's only after I feel a measure of safety that I consider that I don't know where he has gone and I still have this vehicle for a few days. I spot my awful steel toed shoes on the floor and I'm certain I will have to dump him out of them in the morning.  Curses for getting a red car! Police and spiders alike are attracted to the svelte swift lines of crimson. 

Unfortunately for me, the next morning, after I spent several minutes in the dark parking lot trying to peer into my shoes and do the hokey pokey a few times, it was not the shoes.  As I sat behind the wheel, my friend descended from above and when I saw him dangling in front of my face, well, I didn't give a single thought to Charlotte as I sent him flying back across the car. Death was on my mind. Quick. Efficient. Death. I wondered how he could possibly be breathing in this smoke infested car anyway.  Did he not long for the fresh air of the country? Somewhere to spell "Some Pig?"  I tried to find him but I never saw him again and every single time I got into the car for the duration of the trip, I was haunted by "What if?"  

I feel wiser for having traveled alone. 

I learned how to be a big girl. 

I learned how lonely I would be if it were just me for the rest of my life. 

The best gift of all though....was walking out of the Austin airport, I was so thankful to be....home.